Jindal

Today in scientific uterus legislation news, future-minded Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal is expected to sign a new bill into law that would require brain dead pregnant women to carry their fetuses to term with or without grieving family’s consent.

Over protests from detractors that the bill sounds like something from bad 50s sci-fi wherein humans are reduced to robotic baby factories, Bobby Jindal insists that this bill is nothing like some dystopian scary future.

It’s like a super awesome robot womb future wherein women don’t even have to actually be alive to be forced to carry children to term! Couldn’t we all agree that this pro/anti choice thing would be easier if women couldn’t talk?

Jindal can. You see, this way the republican party can get exactly what it wants: more babies, and less of what it doesn’t want: talking women. It’s win/win. Unless, of course you’re the dead lady, but come on, we barely care about live ladies in Louisiana.

“Do we really want to pull the plug on that healthy baby?” Rep. Austin Badon asked last May at the Louisiana Health and Welfare Committee hearing about this bill. Absolutely not, chanted back throngs of baby loving science nerds.

“And that choice should absolutely be left up to the government!” they cheered.

“I’m against science that goes against God’s will,” says Nanette Robesly outside the courthouse, breathless with excitement over this groundbreaking piece of legislature, “like abortion or stem cells or making dinosaurs out of tree sap and frog’s blood, but if science can force women to carry babies to term against their and their family’s wills, well, I feel like Jesus would want that.” She wipes a tear from one cheek. “We really are living in the future.”

No word on whether or not we’ll soon be able to keep dead men technically alive for their semen, but here’s hoping. Yay science!